Thursday, December 3, 2020

My coworker and I were discussing jobs. I work on average 30 hours a week and pays the bills, but I still feel like a failure. 

It’s a job that’s not in my field, it’s a part-time job, and I have no internship right now. 

I just finished an internship, and I feel like I’m just here… I’m not doing anything.

I did some reading about internships, and I think those thoughts are reserved for a separate post in the future, but I think that my time interning has come to an end since I am now working damn near full-time hours. 

I am using this time to get back into my writing and adding to my online portfolio and online presence. It’s hard, but I am trying, yet I still feel like a failure. 

I feel relieved that I don’t have to dedicate the limited time I have to an internship. It was messing with my mental health. I wasn’t sleeping much, and my anxiety worsened. It was also not fair to the company I was interning for. I didn’t have the time to commit to the obligations of the internship properly.

But I am trying to have a positive mindset about this.

I am excited to get back into my passions that have been on hold since September. My goal was to put out a video once a month, but the motivation was no longer there. I hope to get another one up this month as I am trying to work through numbness symptoms relating to depression. 

I read that when you feel numb, you should watch something that makes you feel any emotion. So in my free time, I have been catching up on the Mandalorian, and I started playing Persona 5 Royal.