Sunday, December 13, 2020
It’s been one year since I graduated from college.
I will give a slight trigger warning for intense mental health depictions. I want to be honest with this and not hold back too much since writing has been a very therapeutic outlet.
On Friday, December 13, 2019, I graduated from college with my Bachelor’s degree in Media Studies and Production. Since then, a lot of things have happened in my life. But if you told last year me where I would be today, I would be angry and disappointed in myself. But I am very proud of how far I have come this year as this was a very life-changing year for me.
When 2020 first started, I found myself out of school for the first time in 18 years. I was unemployed and very unsure and unmotivated about my future. Then COVID happened, and it forced me to reflect on my life, and I was able to put many things into perspective.
I would be lying if I said I was happy with how my life is at the moment. I have applied to over 200 jobs hearing back from only a handful, but always hearing back from the unpaid internships I apply to.
Right now, I don’t know what I want to do. I am paying my insanely high student loan bills with a part-time job, and a full-time job in New York City is looking more unrealistic as each day passes.
As frustrating as this all is, I am in a better mental state than I was this time last year.
When I graduated from college, I found no point in life. Living after December 2019 seemed pointless since I had no job lined up, and I would be at home on the couch doing nothing. I was a failure, I could not get an internship in college, and now I’m out of college, and I don’t have a job lined up. I felt like I screwed myself over.
I have concluded that my life is not going to be like others. I am a late bloomer, and 2020 helped me figure out how the world worked since I was basically sheltered from it for 18 years.
In college, they always talk about when you get a job this, and when you start your career that, but they never talked about how long it may take for you to get that job.
Why is it that when I was in college, I couldn’t get one internship after trying for two years, but the second I graduate, I was able to get three, and then I have a hard time balancing them because I am doing long hours at a job I need to make a living?
No one explained that just because you have an internship, it does not mean that you will find a job.
I feel like college lies to you. When you are an impressionable teen fresh out of high school, these college administrators are all too glad to tell you about how this college employed x amount of people after graduating and will make sure you get an internship.
I had the most challenging time getting an internship in college because I had to teach myself Adobe Premiere Pro and Final Cut on my own. Some internship counselors are no help at all. They would scold you for not knowing how to create a resume or find internships, even though they are the ones that are supposed to be helping you.
Right now, I am thinking about a career change. I have had big dreams of working for various companies, but I want to make a movie independently, and I also want to travel the world and make travel vlogs.
I also want to make documentaries, and docuseries like This is Life by Lisa Ling.
I wish I knew this in college because I would have been able to take advantage of various opportunities, but as I said, I was a late bloomer.
BTS’s Class of 2020 Graduation speech brings me extreme comfort when I start to think about the future. I connect with Jin’s words the most. (Translation from @doyou_bangtan on twitter) Link to original tweet
“Sometimes, I’d feel restless, watching my friends go on far ahead of me. And attempting to keep up with their speed would only leave me breathless. I soon realised that their pace was not my own. What held me together during those times was a promise I made with myself: “to take it slow.” I’d go at my own pace, steadily. From then on, it became a habit of mine to take extra time for myself.
If any of you feels lost in the face of doubt or uncertainty, or the pressure of starting anew, don’t rush. Take a deep breath. You may find that any moment can be turned into an opportunity. Allow yourself to take it easy. Take it one step at a time. You might discover the important things you were missing, and they will reach out to you.”BTS’s Kim SeokJin